i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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