He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
