Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
