i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just pee around me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
