brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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