i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
