i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
