I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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