Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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