I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
