Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
