dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
