Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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