he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
