Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
