Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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