dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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