Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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