someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Randomize
