smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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