Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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