do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
