Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
