I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
