Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
