Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
