dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
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At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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