she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
