awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
