new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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