I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So many bounce houses so little time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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