Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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