I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
