Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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