No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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