i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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