I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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