1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
