new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
