plz talk dirty to me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
