You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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