U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
