After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
