how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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