pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
