no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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