3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
