a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
