I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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