i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
