There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
