you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
