I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
