you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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