Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
