i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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