By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
