Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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