Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
