I wish I only lived at night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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