So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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