i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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