i don't like sucking hair
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
