Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
