ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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