You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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