i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
