maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
