you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
