I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
