Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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