Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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