when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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