You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
