I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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