Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize
