I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
as a side note pls kill me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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