peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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