Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
time to smoke my breakfast
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
