It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
